Fitness is a journey - not a destination.

Feeling good about your body and choices can be very empowering. When we feel crap - this is disempowering and stops us from making changes.

It's all about self esteem and belief in yourself. If you think you have failed -- YOU HAVE NOT!!! Every mistake you make is a learning experience. Do not give up - it is a normal part of the process. These things need to be learnt in order to move forward. Unfortunately it takes a huge amount of emotional and physical energy -- changes in your life need to be made for this to happen. Remember its a journey - be patient, be courageous and do not give up.

Self image is the predictor of success or failure.

A few ideas:

1. Keep a journal of your daily successes. Think about the healthy choices you make along the way and how these make you feel... Think about all the little steps of improvement you can see.

2. Spend 5-10min visualising each day. Visualise only eating healthy food and doing exercise during the day. Visualise yourself jogging faster and getting more fit.

3. Do a treasure hunt on your life. Sometimes we focus on the one negative while failing to acknowledge positives. Sometimes we need perspective!

A bit of perspective for me.

- Almost a year on from when I first reached maintenance weight and I am still (mostly) there - perhaps 2 kilos off. But compared to 50kg - I am happy with that. This is despite having one of THE most horrid years ever.

- I am still a size 10

- I can run 15km in 90min (which is not as good as a few months ago -- but comparing to a year ago -- pretty good!!)

- I can wall sit a crazy amount (12min last try), do at least 40 push ups in a min and I am up to 3-4 chin ups unassisted.

- I have heaps more knowledge and skills than this time last year : I have more practical knowledge, self awareness, experience and the realisation/learning that diet and exercise need to remain a priority for maintainance to happen.

- I have developed some awesome friends in my life quest to be healthy.

- I am still moving forward slowly - even if I am knocked back a couple of paces the overall result is me further along.

- I am determined, persistent and unrelenting and am actually starting to believe that I CAN maintain this weight loss.

Given these reflections I have me some new 1 month goals!

1. Loose the 4kg I have found over the past 4 months.

2. Get back to the 4 unassisted chin ups (which are soo much harder with an extra 4kg!)

3. 17.5kg dumbell chest press: 3 lots of 8.

4. Record food and emotional stuff.

5. Complete the 30 day challenge! Eat between 1200-1500 calories for 30 days and then I can buy a rower.

How will I reach these goals!

1. Weigh once a week (only - more is discouraging!)

2. Eat between 1200-1500 cal per day for the month - recording everything

3. Run 10km and 15km twice a week (wedns and sat)

4. Weights twice a week - focusing on back and upper body. (tues and fri)

5. Join a step into life class for a bit of variety. (mon)

Reflections/Goals continued....

I have been finding that working the crazy hours I have been working and trying to fit everything else in too --  I have not had the energy or time to prioritise the exercise or eating. So, I have decided to have some extended time off from working at the gym too.... which is sad for me but its what I need to do... especially with everything else that is going on at the moment. I wanted to be a PT because I was passionate about helping other people with their weight loss and exercise goals -- I cant do that if I cant even help myself!! I need to walk the talk!! Prioritising exercise and eating healthy is on the agenda once again. "It's about attitude, thinking, beliefs, passions, self control, decisions, standards, habits, fears, expectations and desires." And I am pulling mine together and straightening them out so I can teach/show others what I have learned.

I also had a look at the things which I am having problems with... and changed some stuff so I can fix it.

I have been struggling with consistency in exercise time because of sooo many various shifts with work  etc... Because lots of my workouts have been by myself I have been struggling with intensity and variety in my workouts and have been finding them boring. I have been majorly struggling with emotional eating and then feeling crap and the cycle continues!! And then I start freaking that I am going to put on the 50kg because I don't believe I can STOP eating emotionally... LOL!!

So I decided to stop one job for a while.... which means I can start to workout with people more again... I am joining a step into life class which should give me variety and intensity... and less work means more consistent exercise times! More time, less tiredness and generally being happier with life and myself will mean less emotional eating!! Win, win situation all round!! Woo Hoo!!! :-)

There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure. Success is walking from failure to failure with no loss of enthusiasm. – Winston Churchill

I felt like crap, so I ate crap... because that makes so much sense!

When I can stand back and think about this topic objectively... I find it fascinating just how much of a struggle this whole emotional eating thing is. It really is quite amazing! I can ignore pain and exercise until I drop -- but I struggle with not eating when I am upset. Go figure!! Mentally tough in most areas of my life - except this one!! You would think not doing something would be easier than doing something... that makes more sense.

I thought I would blog a few things I have found helpful lately. Not saying I have it all figured out yet -- but I am happy the process of learning and changing is moving along.

1. Emotions come and emotions go. They are going to do this whether you eat or not. Eating might make them go away temporarily - but it's only going to make it worse longer term. Realising this is the case is helpful because when you feel upset and want to eat to get rid of that feeling -- realise that the emotion is going to pass... acknowledge that you feel like crap and ride it out until the emotion passes.

2. You may have temporary lapses in your eating and your ability to ride it out. Whatever happens DO NOT QUIT!! If you keep persisting you will eventually get to where you want to be. Personally, I want to understand the drive to eat when I am upset; I want to be able to ride the wave and wait for the emotion to pass. So, I am going to need to keep on thinking and experiencing... stuffing up, back tracking... and putting in crap loads of hard work mentally!! The alternative is to give up -- and that is not an option.

3. Someone gave me some helpful advice recently. In regards to an earlier blog where I was saying I didn't believe I could maintain my weight under this amount of stress... They told me that just like I trained my physical body to adapt and perform to do chin ups -- I can train my mind to adapt and perform under different circumstances too. Keep on keeping on -- just keep swimming!! Do not stop.

4. I saw this photo too. It really spoke to me and is so very true! My weight and fitness will go up and down - but that is ok! It's does not mean I have dropped the ball... It is such a small part of my journey!! I am human and I need to learn -- "Failure is a perfect opportunity to start again more intelligently!"

5. Focusing on the process rather than the scales was a very helpful piece of advice. One which I need to do more of. As soon as I saw the scales go up and few hundred grams instead of down - I immediately felt like crap which in turn affected my motivation levels to eat healthy! No more scales for a while -- focus on eating right calories and type of foods!!

Emotional eating - Breakthrough to the breakdown.

"Sometimes you are not supposed to get what you want because you need to grow". - Tony Robbins.

I got on the scales the other day and it went up to 60.7kg, and as per what seems to be usual recently I felt like crap... 60kg is my cut off in terms of where I want to be, and once I go over 60kg I am supposed to jump back on the 'watching what I eat' train and make sure the weight does not get out of hand. Problem is recently that has not been happening. I have been over 60kg for the last couple of months and it's not really going down at all.

I had just come back from an amazing conference with the awesome Tony Robbins and had all sorts of information on success floating around in my head... when it suddenly occurred to me -- I am focusing on the results, when I should be focusing on the process!! The weight you are is like the fruit on the tree - instead of trying to change the fruit on the tree, you need to go underground and plant different seeds!! And THAT was the lightbulb moment of the centuary for me.

On a short term level our decisions are influenced by our state of mind.

On a long term level our decisions are influenced by our story, blueprint or internal map on life.

This past year and a half I have been continually changing my state of mind to influence myself and keep myself on track. I reckon that is what majority of people do to lose weight. Constantly keeping your mind in the right space for weight loss is exhausting and I'm amazed that I kept it up for so long without looking at my story. Very few people I think go deeper and change their story behind their weight. It really is not possable to do this on a hugely long term basis... sooner or later there will be a time that you just cannot keep altering your state of mind. Your internal beliefs will catch up with you eventually!! LOL

So I sat down and asked myself some hard questions recently. It went something like this.

"Why am I  putting on weight?? "

"Because I am finding life stressful and hard and the moment, and I am emotionally eating."

"What is the reasoning behind this? What is my underlying belief here?"

"Because I believe that eating will and does make me feel better."

"Is this really the truth?"

"Well, it does very, very momentarily... but not at all in the scheme of things - even at a short term level not really."

"So, why do you do it?"

"Because I don't believe I can NOT do it, I feel helpless. I haven't had to cope with this level of stress since I began to lose weight and I don't think I am strong enough. So, even though I have been TELLING myself I can - I haven't truly been believing it!"

Cha Ching!!! And there we have it ladies and gentlemen!! Woo! Taking action without belief that you will be successful pretty much set you up NOT to be successful!!

And once we have the problem, we can have a solution!

The problem here is that firstly, I am in a habit of eating when I feel stressed and sad... and secondly, that I don't truly believe I can NOT eat during these times.

So, given that it is not possable to change your state of mind over and over and over again on a long term basis -- I need to look at my story behind it. I need to get rid of the victim mentality and get some sustainable strategies for dealing with the problem. If I want to get different results, I need to DO something different now.

Recognising and acknowledging why I am eating before I eat is doing something different. Once I have recognised what I am doing, I can break that particular habit. So, when I realise that I want to eat because I am stressed - I acknowledge that I want to eat because I am stressed, realise I don't have to eat because I am stressed, acknowledge that it really is not going to make me feel any better in the scheme of things and then do what I need to do to break that habit at the time. Whether it is a matter of flexing the willpower muscle, employing the layby system, doing something to distract myself... whatever I need to do at the time -- DO IT! LOL!

We need success to validate our beliefs that we can be successful... Success or failure is dependant on our decisions... Decision are affected by what we focus on... We need to focus on things we can control (otherwise we end up feeling helpless and depressed). I may not be able to control how stressful life is -- but I can control my reaction to that stress. Acknowledging why I want to eat and realising I don't have to is doing something differently ALREADY!! And if I want to do something even MORE radical, I can do something even MORE differently and NOT EAT right at that moment. I can break the habit to eat when stressed. One baby step and one win at a time. They will all add up to SUCCESS!!

YAY! This will be focusing on the PROCESS rather than the RESULTS. The weight is not the problem - it is the result of the real problem.

Not giving up!

I have had a hard time the last month with various life dramas and have found myself struggling with my weight. I have tried all the various strategies that I have employed in the past to no avail -- but I will not give up!! I have put on 2.5kg in the last 2.5 months... But it WILL come off again! People laugh at me and tell me that 2.5kg is nothing and they do not understand what I am worried about. Well, what I am worried about it the bad habits BEHIND the sruggles and the weight gain. (As well as just not liking how that 2.5kg seems to have all gone to my stomach! LOL!) I know I am eating too much food and at the wrong times - but I still do it!! Serious emotional eating!! It is actually good that I am struggling with it because it means I have not given up... and it is actaully good that I am having this problem in a way because I can learn and grow and figure out what is going on in my head for it to be such a struggle!!

I will not give up - I will get there! There is no doubt and no possability of letting it got any further up the scale! I have said before that I want to do some more thinking about emotional eating and why people do it...

I know the theory behind the solutions -- ie. distraction, call a friend etc... but they really are bandaid solutions -- I would love to figure out a solution to stop it from happening.. if this is at all possable!

Any thoughts - send me a message. Meanwhile -- onwards I go! (I will no doubt blog about my findings when I figure it out!) LOL!

Celebration weekend Part 2 - City2Surf

Having done a little research into this famous run I was feeling a little intimidated. The little research I had done had uncovered the fact that the race really was just one big hill with very little downward bits!! I knew I could run up hills -- but I wasn't sure if I was up to a challenge of THAT magnitude!! However, I was not going to let it beat me -- I would give it a go!! I must confess that I was wishing I had done a little more practice on the hill runs... gone up the 1000 steps hill a few more times or something!! Haha!



Before...





After...



I had registered with the panadol rapid group but with my knee the way that it was I just decided to stay with my friends in the group behind them... I was delighted to discover a friend of a friend who sounded like she was a similar time to me!! I decided to run what I could of the race with her -- as I figured I needed someone to keep up with on the hills!! Worked out PERFECTLY -- we were very similar in pace and when I started walking on heartbreak hill she ran past me and told me I was doing well ... and of course, I couldn't let her run AHEAD of me now could I!! Haha!! Had to keep running up the mother hill... It really did get quite vomit worthy in a couple of places!! I have not felt the need to vomit during exercise for a VERY long time!! LOL! The rest of the run really was quite a good run though!!

I was happy enough with my time. 1:22:54... Not my best time -- but considering I did not taper at all and given the way I was feeling before it I was happy!! There was also the hill factor and the fact that it was wet and slippery too... LOL..

During!! LOL!

Bring on the next run!! YAY!! Funny how you look forward to something which you find such hard work -- and then at the time you wonder why on earth you do this to yourself... I figure it's a little like childbirth -- the brain forgets how bad it was so that your body wants to go back for another. Haha!

"Failure I can deal with... Regret I cannot."

Celebration weekend Part 1. A bridge to climb.

A celebration weekend. A celebration of many things - birthdays, actual weight loss and for me maintaining the weight loss!! And what better way to celebrate that to do a famous climb and a famous run!!

I am currently feeling very grown up! I have never gotten myself to and on a plane before -- and was slightly freaked out by the thought -- but I did it!! LOL! Parked my car in the long term parking, got the shuttle bus to the domestic zone, checked in and made it onto the plane BY MYSELF!! How good am I!! I even picked the RIGHT plane!! YAY! I then got off in Sydney and found the train I needed, put myself on it and managed to get off at the right station! EVEN BETTER!! Haha!! Was very thankful to have someone to meet me at the other end though -- would hate to have to find the hotel all my myself! Definitely would have gotten losted!!

I have to admit to being a little worried about the weekend given the status of my left knee. I have been realising lately how bad it has gotten. The eye opening moments were in a pump class when I looked in the mirror and saw myself doing a squat. I was leaning all the way to the right and basically doing a one legged squat and just having my left leg rest on the floor.... and the other was when I decided the way to go was to strengthen the left leg... I jumped on the leg press - stuck a 25kg plate on it and tried to lift it AND IT WOULDN'T MOVE!!! Bahahaha!!!! I had to take the weight off and do it with no weights -- and even THEN I could only get out 6 reps!! LOL!

Given that the 2 events I had on the menu for the weekend involved hills and stairs I was a little worried!! Saturday morning came around and one of the buddies who I was with marched me down to Priceline and got me to purchase a couple of knee brace things which I wore for the rest of the day - Let me just say -- Best. Things. Ever! My knees felt 100% better by sat night!! Which was good because I am not sure how comfy they would have been to run in -- and I make it a point to NEVER do anything different on race day!!

My only other problem was that I felt like I had been run over by a TRUCK!! Tafe both that week and the week before had us doing serious weights for HOURS!! OMGosh!! There was not one muscle on my body which had not been absolutely smashed over the last couple of weeks -- and I really don't think my body was recovering properly from it .... I felt like a massive semi had rolled over me a couple of times!! My particular problem on this weekend given the stairs and hills were my BUTT muscles and hamstrings... I seriously looked like the BIGGEST idiot I am sure as I spent most of Saturday and Sunday morning doing dynamic stretching and leg swings etc... If I stopped moving them they cramped up!! Haha!! At least I can now say I have a really intimate relationship with my butt muscles.  How many people can say that??

The actual climb was a really awesome experience. There was a moment at the start where I started to freak... but then I thought -- who cares if you die anyway... you wont be around for it to bother you and your only going to die once!! And then I was fine. LOL!!

Christmas in July.

I have been to the snow as an adult twice before. Once I was pregnant and was freaking out about falling over. The other I weighed 110kg and the waterproof jacket I was wearing didn't even do up and I was not fit enough to do much more than make a very sad snowman. Needless to say, this snow trip was a little different!!

A group of us were heading up to do a white Christmas -- yes, it was in July -- but who's counting the months anyway!! We still had ourselves some Christmas carols and a Christmas tree!! LOL!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PBu1cJqKgVg

Somewhere in the car trip along the way we decided we would stop and check out the 7 acre rock -- given that our last 7 acre rock trip was ruined by torrential rains!! Haha!! It was a beautiful day -- awesome for hiking to the rock... Probably not so good for the poor snow -- I kept having visions of it melting away before we got there!!

We made it to the snow in time for a yummy lunch, and a kris kringle -- where the bear "Baw Baw" was born. No, he was not mine -- I just had a very brief affair with him. (Although Maz was very happy to share him around!) LOL!

Our new friend "Baw Baw", our full tummies and us all ventured outside to play in the snow soon after lunch. Tobogganing and snow angles were a couple of things on the list of things to do!! Soo much fun!! Typical of me (and also of Chloe as I discovered) -- we had to try and make it more difficult and STAND UP on the toboggans!! And we both fell on our butts!! Haha!! Awesome!! Woo!! Can't WAIT to try and snowboard!!

FUN!